Parenting Guide : The Most Important Things You Can Do For Your Child

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself this question, what is one of the most important things that I can do for my child? Something that will bring them joy and make them happy. You want it to be impactful and long lasting right? Something that will effect their lives in a positive way, right? Every parent or caregiver wants their children to be happy, safe and healthy and be the best they can be.

Parenting Guide :  The Most Important Things You Can Do For Your Child

How do you think  that can happen? It can happen through taking care of yourself. Self care is one of the most important gifts you can give to your child. Not only does it benefit you and your child but the entire family unit as a whole even if it's just you and your child. A happy parent helps the whole family to be happy and makes a happy child.

When you take care of yourself you are communicating and  being a role mode of self love for your child. You are teaching them to take care of and value themselves. You  are teaching them self respect and that they matter and are worth the extra time it takes to take care of themselves.

What happens with you effects your child. It may not be so obvious at first, especially if they are really young and don't have the words to express how they feel or are even aware of their emotions. If you are not in a good mood this effects your child. When you are not in a good mood your energy is low, you are stressed and not able to tolerate much. You tend to be short tempered and irritable. When your emotions are compromised this effects your thinking and judgement as well as clarity.

WAYS TO FIND TIME FOR SELF CARE

1. First identify and remember the things that bring you joy

It doesn't have to be anything major. It could be as simple as remembering to take a few deep breaths, run yourself a hot bubble bath, buy flowers, or read. It could be taking a class of some sort or you may love learning. Brain storm and write down everything that comes to mind don't leave anything out and everything counts. Remember to include the things that cost money and those that don't. You want to create a feeling of ease, deliciousness and feelings of being nurtured and cared for.


2. Write down the time it takes to accomplish those things

The reason why you want to have the time next to the item is because one of our biggest excuses is "I don''t have the time or where will I find the time". That won't be the excuse anymore because now you will have an idea of the time that it takes to accomplish this self care item. This will be putting the odds in your favor and also insure that you get it in.

3. Plan and prepare

You want to make sure you have the items that you need on hand ahead of time and not have to do something like run out to the store. Arrangements such as a babysitter or having someone pick up  your kids fall into this category. Getting and asking for help is also part of preparing.


4. Schedule It!!!

Now that you know what it is that you would like to do,  find a space of time in your day to get it done. Some of the best times are early in the morning before everyone gets up or  late at night after everyone has gone to bed. Don't leave out other times during the day like when you are waiting for an appointment or for them to finish a sport or class. Or any other brake that you have during the day.

Parenting Guide :  The Most Important Things You Can Do For Your Child

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT WHICH IS WHY IT'S IN BOLD PRINT. SELF CARE IS AN ESSENTIAL NOT A LUXURY!!

Schedule self care every single day. It is not a luxury or something that you do once in a while or when you have the time or on some special occasion. It has to become a habit, a ritual like bathing in the morning before your day. It has to be as habitual as brushing your teeth and combing your hair. Look at it as your are making deposits into your bank of well being, care and self love.

When you make this a habit you will find you mood and outlook will be brighter. You will be well equipped to deal with whatever comes your way. And even if you aren't at least you will have reserves to pull from. REMEMBER YOU ARE SO WORTH IT!!!! Let me know how you make out. Make it easy, pleasurable and fun and it can also be small. Be forgiving and compassionate with yourself and realize you wont get it perfect right of out the box. But know you can do it.

Parenting Guide : Parenting Awareness

There comes a time in everyone's life where they stop and look back at past events. When doing so, they shock themselves by thinking what their past self would react seeing where they are at the moment. They might start to wonder what life would have been if they hadn't gone to that party, or if they did volunteer at that hospital. Sadly, there are times when we wish we could've done something different or wished we didn't do things that we did.

We often ask the question "Where am I". Whether it's when we are looking at the mirror at ourselves or cleaning up our rooms or looking at the clock when you just awoke. Buddhists have a very simple answer to this question. The present moment, that's all that matters. When it comes to parenting, it's very important.

Parenting Guide : Parenting Awareness

Not many of us are in the moment when doing certain activities, however the option to choose so is always available. When was the last time you washed the dishes or cleaned the house and actually thought about what you were doing in that moment? Some of us just turn on the radio and listen to the music as we clean. Others just space out or day dream. Some might turn on the T.V. and glance every now and then.

If we resist the temptations of thinking about the past or what if scenarios, we'll greatly reap the many benefits of the present and what is happening at the moment. Understanding what is around us, who is around us and what we are doing here and now is important. It is also important to be aware of what you say and how others react as well as vice versa. Buddha himself has a great poem dictating the present moment:


Do not pursue the past. 
Do not lose yourself in the future. 
The past no longer is. 
The future has not yet come. 
Looking deeply at life as it is 
In the very here and now, 
The practitioner dwells 
In stability and freedom. 
We must be diligent today. 
To wait until tomorrow is too late. 
Death comes unexpectedly.

Awareness in Parenting and Children

When it comes to parenting, it is vital to be in the present moment. When the time comes when we have children, many of us will be put under stress. Whether this stress be that we have to constantly take care of the child or how much harder we will have to work to support the child. Focusing the mind on the present during these days is vital for the happiness of your children as well as yourself.

Living in the present allows us to be more relaxed and calm. Children have the great ability of being guides for us. They guide us to see who we really are and how we act. All children live in the present moment. They don't think about the past as much as we do and they don't worry about the uncertainty of the future. Their mind is focused on what is happening now. If we observe how they act more and more often, our children can teach us how to live a life (or live in moments) where we are emancipated from worry or fear about the future and be happy with what is happening now and where we are.

There are many parents who go through their parenting life who are on "auto pilot". What this means is that they go through their days, weeks, months and years going to the store, buying groceries, buying diapers, baby formula and so forth, then return home, take care of the child and wait till they go to sleep, then they go off to do their other stuff.

Then, there are those parents who realize that what they've done, they weren't really in the moment. They were always thinking of what to do tomorrow, or next week, or sometime in the future. They never really stopped and focused on the now. These parents begin to focus on their children and they become aware of what is happening. In the end, these parents are the happy ones because they get the delight of truly seeing their child grow up right in front of them and how they've changed because of the child.

Benefits of Awareness for Parents

With the ability to become more calm and relaxed when becoming more aware, awareness allows us to understand perspectives more efficiently and understand more about ourselves. A lot of times, we judge. We judge how we look, how other people look, how they act and so forth. Judging can sometime bring forth negative emotions that'll add necessary stress in our lives. Applying Buddhist awareness allows us to understand our emotions and our judgments without actually standing behind them. It allows us to know and not do. It helps us let go of biases and thoughts and truly see what is.

The more we practice non-judgemental aproahces in life, the less stress will be put on us. Being a calm and aware parent is very important. When raising children, we shouldn't instantly scold them. Rather, we should find out what happened and then proceed with the necessary measures. This allows us to fully indulge in seeing how our child grows right in front of us and allows us to understand that no matter how dark the night is, there will always be a sunny morning tomorrow.

What you can do to become a better parent

1. When taking care of your child or spending quality time with your child, be aware of what is happening in that moment
2. Practice not judging and having a non-judgemental attitude; view things the way they are with a non-bias opinion
3. Ask yourself how awareness can help you and why it's important when taking care of your children or in any situation in life
4. Question and consider if you are truly in touch with parenthood (are you really being a parent or are you just being someone who just takes care of the child. Be proactive, get involved in your child's life, be there for them when they need and be loving, caring, understanding and ultimately be their guide)
5. Believe that all moments happen for a reason and have value in them, focus on them when you need to and let go of them when you have to
6. Always tell yourself to be aware of your surroundings and what you are doing in the moment (think of a child walking into a new room for the first time glancing at objects surrounding them, then them coming to you and grabbing you by your hand towards a object of interest and asking you about it)
7. Know that you always have the choice in where your focus lie. When you encounter negative emotions, know when it's time to indulge in how you feel, yet also know when it's time to let go
8. Always question your current perspective to any given situation. Can you do anything to change the tide of the situation? Perhaps there are positive aspects to the situation
9. Always know that nothing can be perfect (you, your children, family and friends), but know that it is because of imperfectness that we strive to be great
10. Meditation (specifically breathing meditation) can help with becoming more aware